Big Book Audiobook
Big Book Audiobook - How It Works
Big Book Audiobook · 23:20
Big Book Audiobook - How It Works is a recovery audio transcript in the Big Book Audiobook series from Big Book Audiobook. This 23:20 talk is searchable with synced captions and centers on Big Book, Spirituality, Alcoholism, Honesty, Fear.
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Chapter 5 How It Works Rarely have we seen a person fail who has
thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or
will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Usually men and
women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There
are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that
way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of
living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There
are those two who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many
of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories
disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are
like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to
any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these
we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way, but we could not. With
all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from
the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the
result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with
alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help, it is too much for us. But
there is one who has all power. That one is God. May you find him now. Half
measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked his
protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took, which
are suggested as a program of recovery. One, we admitted we were powerless over
alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Two, came to believe that
a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Three, made a
decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood
him. Four, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Five,
admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of
our wrongs. Six, we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of
character. Seven, humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. Eight, made a list
of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Nine,
made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so
would injure them or others. Ten, continued to take personal inventory and
when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Eleven, sought through prayer and
meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him,
praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
Twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our
affairs. Many of us exclaimed, what an order! I can't go through with it. Do not
be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect
adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we're willing
to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides
to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our
description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our
personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. A, that
we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. B, that probably no human
power could have relieved our alcoholism. C, that God could and would if he were
sought. Being convinced, we were at step three, which is that we decided to turn
our will and our life over to God as we understood him. Just what do we mean by
that? And just what do we do? The first requirement is that we be convinced that
any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis, we are almost
always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are
good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an
actor who wants to run the whole show, is forever trying to arrange the lights,
the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. If his
arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the
show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be
wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements, our actor may sometimes be
quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest
and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish, and
dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits. What
usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life
doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes on the
next occasion still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still, the
play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that
other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What
is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?
Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can rest satisfaction and happiness
out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest
of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions
make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the
show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than
harmony? Our actor is self-centered, egocentric, as people like to call it
nowadays. He is like the retired businessman who lulls in the Florida
sunshine in the winter, complaining of the sad state of the nation. The minister
who sighs over the sins of the 20th century. Politicians and reformers who
are sure all would be utopia if the rest of the world would only behave. The
outlaw safe-cracker who thinks society has wronged him, and the alcoholic who has
lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us
concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity. Selfishness,
self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a
hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on
the toes of our fellows, and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us,
seemingly with our provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in
the past, we have made decisions based on self, which later placed us in a
position to be hurt. So our troubles we think are basically of our own making.
They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will
run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must
be rid of the selfishness. We must, or it kills us. God makes that possible, and
there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without his aid.
Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not
live up to them, even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce
our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have
God's help. This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing.
It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God
was going to be our director. He is the principal. We are his agents. He is the
father, and we are his children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept
was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed
to freedom. When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things
followed. We had a new employer. Being all-powerful, he provided what we needed,
if we kept close to him and performed his work well. Established on such a
starting, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans
and designs. More and more, we became interested in seeing what we could
contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind,
as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of
his presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter.
We were reborn. We were now at step three. Many of us said to our maker, as we
understood him, God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and to do with me as
thou wilt. Leave me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take
away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would
help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. We
thought well before taking this step, making sure we were ready, that we could
at last abandon ourselves utterly to him. We found it very desirable to take
this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife,
best friend, or spiritual advisor. But it is better to meet God alone than with
one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional, so long as
we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning,
though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was
felt at once. Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step
of which is a personal house cleaning, which many of us had never attempted.
Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have a little
permanent effect, unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be
rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us. Our liquor was but
a symptom, so we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore we
started upon a personal inventory. This was step four. A business which takes no
regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact
finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about
the stock in trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods. They
get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to
be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. We did exactly the same
thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First we searched out the flaws
in our makeup which caused our failure. Being convinced that self manifested in
various ways was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.
Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything
else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not
only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the
spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In
dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions, or
principles with whom we were angry. We ask ourselves why we were angry. In most
cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our
hurt or threatened. So we were sore, we were burned up. On our grudge list we set
opposite each name our injuries. We set our self-esteem, our security, our
ambitions, our personal or sex relations which have been interfered with. We were
usually as definite as this example. And here the book has set up a table of
three columns, referring to the person resented, the cause of the resentment,
and what the resentment affects. I'm resentful at Mr. Brown. The cause is
attention to my wife. Told my wife of my mistress, Brown may get my job at the
office. Affects my sex relations, self-esteem, fear. I'm resentful at Mrs.
Jones. The cause, she's a nut. She snubbed me. She committed her husband for
drinking. He's my friend. She's a gossip. Affects my personal relationship,
self-esteem, fear. I'm resentful at my employer. The cause, unreasonable, unjust,
overbearing, threatens to fire me for drinking and patting my expense account.
Affects my self-esteem, fear, security. I'm resentful at my wife. The cause
misunderstands and nags, likes Brown, once House put in her name. Affects my
pride, personal sex relations, security, fear. We went back through our lives,
nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished, we
considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its
people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as
far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to
wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse, and then we were sore at
ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse
matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph
were short-lived. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads
only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we
squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, whose
hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of
resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such
feelings, we shut ourselves off in the sunlight of the spirit. The insanity of
alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to
live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us.
They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics, these
things are poison. We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future.
We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to
see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the
wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we
escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered. But how? We could not
wish them away any more than alcohol. This was our course. We realized that the
people who wronged us were, perhaps, spiritually sick. Though we did not like
their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too.
We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we
would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended, we said to
ourselves, this is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from
being angry. I will be done. We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't
be helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how
to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Referring to our list
again, putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely
looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking,
and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried
to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The
inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our fault, we listed them.
We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly,
and were willing to set these matters straight. Notice that the word fear is
bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer,
and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives.
It was an evil and corroding thread. The fabric of our existence was shot through with it.
It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve.
But did not we ourselves set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with
stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them
on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why
we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it
went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence,
but it didn't fully solve the fear problem or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.
Perhaps there is a better way. We think so. For we are now on a different basis.
The basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite
selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we
think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who
think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength.
The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They
trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead, we let Him demonstrate through us what
He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us
be. At once we commence to outgrow fear.
Now about sex. Many of us need it in overhauling there. But above all, we try to be sensible
on this question. It is so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions
running to extremes, absurd extremes perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust
of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who
cry for sex and more sex, who bewail the institution of marriage, who think that most
of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough
of it, or that it isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school
would allow man no flavor for his fare, and the other would have us all on a straight
pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter
of anyone's sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can
we do about them? We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish,
dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion,
or bitterness? Where were we at fault? What should we have done instead? We got this
all down on paper and looked at it. In this way, we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal
for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test. Was it selfish or not? We asked God
to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers
were God-given and therefore needed to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised
and loathed. Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be
willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more
harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation,
we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come if we want
it. God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable,
but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex
as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice. Suppose we fall short of the chosen
ideal and stumble. Does this mean we're going to get drunk? Some people tell us so, but this
is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we've done
and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven
and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry and our conduct continues to harm others,
we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.
To sum up about sex, we earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable
situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome,
we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them.
This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge when to yield would mean high.
If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have
listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We
have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience, and
goodwill toward all men, even our enemies. For we look on them as sick people. We have listed the
people we have hurt by our conduct and are willing to straighten out the past, if we can.
In this book you read again and again that faith did for us, but we could not do for ourselves.
We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him.
If you have already made a decision and an inventory of your grocer handicaps,
you have made a good beginning. That being so, you have swallowed and
digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.